Cutlack, who also won’t link to us because of Future, has sent his response to being the nation’s third most prestigious games journalist just in time to push back our announcement for our “next big thing” we’re running up until Christmas. As usual, we asked a general question and a personal question.
What's your reaction to being the nation's officially 3rd most famous "celebrity" games journalist? Did we make any mistakes in your write-up, or is there anything you'd like to add? Do you think you should have held a higher or lower chart position?
“I'm not a celebrity. I'm a boring man with brown hair who won't speak to you unless you speak to me first, and even then I'll only speak back if you ask me something I know the answer to about games or Sega or the internet. I've hidden in toilets to avoid perfectly nice people before, and apart from a brief period of massive binge drinking in 2001/2 I never really socialised with other games journalists.
Not that I dislike them, before you go saying that in your ironic quotes and getting me kicked in by some mad alcoholic from Bournemouth. I'd just rather sit at home on my own thinking about things to put on my own "cynical industry blog" and drinking tea. That's why I should've been about 100th in your list.
Your job description was also quite wrong. I'm not a staff writer; I like to think of myself as more of a *glorified* staff writer, and you really ought to have mentioned how I've not lived up to earlier promise and perhaps should've used the word "underachiever" too.
Can you insert an image of Eminem at the end of the climactic rap battle in '8 Mile' here, as that's the sort of self-deprecating word-battle vibe I was going for with this -- you can't hurt me now, I've said it all myself. Tell me something I don't know, bitch!”
“You gotta lose yourself in the music…” To be fair, we did already comment on him underachieving as a mag writer in his Top 10 entry, but nice try. We totally disagree that he should have been lower down the list though – UK:R is the funniest and most bitingly satirical games site this country has, and it’s one of life’s ironies that no magazine can match it in those respects.
Cutlack answered his personal question next:
Exactly how much, on a scale of 10, does Future hate the RAM Raider?
“Future doesn't hate you any more as far as I know. Last I heard it's a mixture of pity and bewilderment about the strange public mental breakdown you're having on the internet in front of everyone.”
If you’re going to have a mental breakdown, you may as well have the kind that’ll make people say “now there was a guy who really went nuts” in years to come. We don’t believe Cutlack’s story anyway, as we heard differently from… actually, we’ll leave that there.
Good answer Gary. Keep on saving all your best editorial for UK:R, and you’ll keep us happy. The RAM Raider salutes you.