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    Tuesday, March 07, 2006

    Three Reasons Why We’re Depressed

    1 – Stupid publicity stunts

    Giving up on trying to sell magazines by writing good copy, Official Xbox Magazine (nominated in the worst magazine and worst review categories by you in the RR Awards 2005) went through a ludicrous charade a few weeks ago at Balcombe Street by letting low rent stage hypnotist Mark Howe hypnotise deputy ed Mark Robbins into thinking he was 10. Paid for by Buena Vista Games, the angle was that Robbins would review a kid’s game from a kid’s perspective, which any decent reviewer can do without fucking around with hypnosis. Future Publishing were too tight to pay for Howe to hypnotise the whole OXM team into thinking they were 10 – if they had, the doubling of their mental ages might have meant the next issue wouldn’t have been as embarrassingly poor as usual.

    2 – Microsoft’s PRs being arrogant cunts

    They won’t even acknowledge the fucked up launch of the Xbox360, so you can forget about an apology.

    3 – US:Resistance

    An abysmal and shameful rip off of UK:Resistance, identical in every way except all the posts are only just up to the standard of Ensign Teela’s attempts. Here’s trying to insult the UK:

    “Think about the last time Britain successfully did anything in the United States. The Revolutionary War? No. Your shoddy, not-as-good-as-the-Germans car lines? Mmm, not really. All those fancy English restaurants? Oh, none of those here.”

    And here’s one of the comments from a UK visitor:

    “This site is great! I love the way you manage to tenuously shoehorn an anti-UK theme into every piss-poor update! Right, I'm off to watch repeats of your celebrated documentary of Stateside culture, ‘Joey’.”

    That, along with them not having many readers, has slightly cheered us up.


    1. It's actually Robins with one 'B'. I hate it when people don't bother to check the spelling of my name first and get it wrong.

    2. That would have meant opening a copy of OXM. I'll go a long way for the cause, but not that far.


    3. Anonymous9:34 pm

      US Resistance may be an all too familiar copy of our beloved UK favourite but it's a damn site better than half the crap we have to put up with. Better to have two sites (well, 1.5) spouting interesting vitriol than merely the one.

      Less of the US-bashing for the sake of it. Let them prove themselves crap before tarnishing them with that brush!