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    Tuesday, April 18, 2006

    Dominik Diamond Punished By God... For Being Shit


    We’ve cut our Easter break short to report on a miracle. All of you who’ve been praying for Dominik Diamond to be punished for trotting out his diabolically unfunny column for ailing kid’s mag PC Zone every month have had your wishes answered.

    The story begins with the increasingly desperate Diamond lending further support to the theory that he’d literally flagellate himself for money and TV exposure (Celebrity Detox, anyone?) by agreeing, and this is the absolute truth, to be crucified. Not just the usual critical crucifixion he gets every time he does some games TV, but the proper getting nailed to a cross sort. (Yurp, it’s for Channel Five)

    There’s a difference between agreeing to being crucified and going through with it, though.

    He went to the Philippines on Good Friday where he was due to be nailed to a cross alongside some locals in what’s a yearly event for them. Everything was going well and he was looking good to the religious crowd, until he realised that he was going to be nailed to a fucking cross and whipped for money. This is where his stiff upper lip retracted into his smug face as he dropped to his knees and cried like a woman, pausing only to crack the funniest joke he’s made for years: “God wanted me only to pray at the foot of my cross.” Only it wasn’t a joke.

    The campaign for Dom to re-enact The Wicker Man starts here.

    ”Crucify Me” – oh, the irony…

    5 comments:

    1. Anonymous7:00 pm

      I've always thought it was Dave Perry who believed he was the second coming of Chirst. I guess DD wanted to go one better.

      ReplyDelete
    2. Anonymous3:21 pm

      Congratulations on finally putting something worthwhile, and dare I say it witty, on your blog.

      ReplyDelete
    3. Anonymous10:56 am

      The man has always been a cretin.

      ReplyDelete
    4. Dom Fan66611:54 am

      At least he has enough personality to carry off a TV show and talk in public, it distances him from the bulk of the games press.

      ReplyDelete
    5. Anonymous11:00 am

      What TV show is that then? His last effort bombed without a trace. Cancelled after only one series wasn't it?
      He fell apart and blubbered on Celebrity detox. He fell apart and blubbered on this latest fiasco.
      His bald head, glasses and goatee remind me of those prison pictures of Gary Glitter... which doesn't help.

      ReplyDelete