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    Thursday, August 24, 2006

    Future Haemorrhages Money


    Hot new exclusive (in the Future sense of the word) follow up to Future Publishing’s “Encouraging next-generation signs for Future’s games portfolio” press release:

    “Future plc, the special-interest media group, announces today that continued weakness in both advertising and newsstand have led the Board to reduce its profit expectations.
    EBITAE profit for the current financial year to 30 September 2006 is now considered likely to be approximately £3.5m below current market expectations.
    The trading outlook remains challenging and, following the appointment of the new Chief Executive in July, an update on the Group's strategy will be provided with the Group's announcement of annual results on 28 November.”


    We’ve got a few suggestions for “the Group’s strategy” so they can start raking in money again:

    1 – Stop lying to your readers

    2 – Stop making backhanded deals with game publishers and PR scum

    3 – Stop lying to your readers

    4 – Stop censoring your journalists’ opinions when they don’t like a game from someone who’s paid you off for advertising / cover space / dishonest (p)reviews

    5 – Stop lying to your readers

    6 – Put old-fashioned honesty back into your games coverage and use the talent of your journalists instead of turning them into mini-PR mouthpieces

    7 – Stop lying to your readers

    8 – Consider that your readers might prefer your magazines if they were independently ran, were allowed to show character beyond what your fat and old marketing arseholes think readers want, and you become a publisher of good quality magazines full of INDEPENDENT views and copy

    9 – Stop reviewing unfinished code

    10 – STOP FUCKING LYING TO YOUR READERS


    Hope that helps.

    3 comments:

    1. Anonymous2:56 am

      STOP STEALING OTHER PEOPLE'S LOGOS

      http://www.redbox.com/

      ReplyDelete
    2. Anonymous1:27 pm

      Hey RR

      How about a top 10 stupidist things Future have ever done?
      I could start you off with one...

      'The incredible video shown at the Christmas party which showed board members dancing in front of smart cars, parading their wealth, to the tune of Prince's 1999 but with the lyrics 'let's party like our share price is £9.99.' This to the utter amazement of the underpaid employees who - no doubt - had been knocked back for pay rises a few weeks previously. And that was just before the big crash. Unbelievable stuff - you couldn't make it up.

      ReplyDelete
    3. Anonymous1:04 pm

      smart cars meaning the tiny little shitty ones or fancy expensive cars?

      ReplyDelete