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    Thursday, November 01, 2007

    The RAM Raider Awards 2007 Category List

    “Only last year, I was third in RamRaider’s world-recognised poll of the best-looking video game journalists – the industry’s equivalent of being fastest in the Para Olympics. And in the same year, I bagged two more RamRaider awards: PR hero and PR cunt, which, again, my mother was thrilled yet surprised about. Apparently she’d not voted in the hero category.”
    Simon Byron, MCV (21/09/07)

    Yes, it’s back by actual-popular demand. After the inaugural RR Awards 2005, we’ve renamed the slightly delayed RR Awards 2006 to… you get the idea.

    The most frightening thing about the games BAFTAs, the Golden ShitSticks and the (gulp) Games Media Awards is they’re so unequivocally horrific, the RR Awards 2007 are left to pick up the not particularly hard fought for title of most credible awards list of the year, closely followed by the Top 10 Least Hideous Games Journalists.

    Here’s the 2007 category list in full, and details on how to vote at the end of the post.

    Games Writer of Champions 2007
    Games Writer Twat of 2007

    The most and least coveted awards in the line up. Who makes you laugh / cry / masturbate / turn into a crazed internet stalker through the craft of word, either in print or pixels? And who makes you cringe every time you start reading one of their articles, even before you spot their name in the by-line? Give examples of their work, and right the wrongs of this year’s “proper” awards ceremonies.

    PR Hero of 2007
    PR Cunt of 2007

    Byron’s promised to personally present both of these awards, so tell us who’s been useful, and name and shame those arse tubes who’ve promised you assets and code before totally fucking you over on deadline day. Individuals and companies are eligible.

    Most Ridiculous Statement Masquerading As Games Journalism 2007

    A brand new award category, looking for some of the most astonishingly inappropriate ways of wasting your time under the pretence of having something to say about gaming. Here’s a couple of examples to get you started:

    “There've been times when modifying the original formula paid off. Take Mountain Dew: Code Red. It's hard to hate a cherry-flavored soda.”
    GameSpy review of Rockstar’s Table Tennis

    “I've always had a little problem with the Bust-A-Move series - despite being set in the world of Bubble Bobble, the game has never felt very 'bubbly'; it's always felt far more like playing with marbles.”
    The Unreliable EuroGamer review of Bust-A-Move DS

    Games Magazine of 2007
    Most Awful Cunt-Rag of a Magazine 2007

    Again, print or pixel are all eligible, including major websites and teletext.

    Games Forum of 2007
    Games Forum Full O’ Cunts 2007

    Any forum to do with any aspect of gaming. As long as they have a noteworthy majority of decent people or hideous net-shits, they’re eligible for your vote.

    Corruption or Lie of 2007

    Funniest, most reprehensible or just plain embarrassing.

    Best Game of 2007
    Most Overrated Pile of Shite of 2007

    It’s been a good year for games, but there are still plenty of contenders for the overrated gong.

    Blog / Personal Website of 2007
    Crappest Blog / Personal Website of 2007

    Again, these categories cover any website or blog of any games industry figure or group.


    So now you know the categories, get voting. Here’s how:

    In the Comments Section – Submit your votes with your name, somebody else’s name, or completely anonymously in the comments sections below.

    By e-mail – To

    Through Facebook – Send a friend request to RAM Raider on and we’ll accept it as (i) we’re not like certain hateful snob cock-jam mag writers who sit around moaning “how dare the readers invite us on Facebook, the scum-sucking shitfucks,” and (ii) we don’t have any friends in real life. Really. You can then vote anonymously with the anonymity box on our page, send a personal message privately, or slap it onto our wall. We love social networking. It keeps us “in” with “the kids”.

    In Person – You know who you are…

    It’s all in your hands, Anonymous Knights…


    1. It's interesting you use that picture of Jo Whiley in this post, because as I type this I'm watching (mainly through the gaps in my fingers) the BAFTA game awards, and I think it's fair to say there's at least one common problem with the awards themselves and that occasional games feature that Jo has on her show.

      Namely, that both seem to be made by people who have no love - or even vague interest - for the subject at hand.

      I wouldn't think any less of Jo Whiley if she admitted she couldn't give a flying toss about games, but listening to her repeating every last word that Johnny Minkley says in an attempt to pretend that he'd just pre-empted her makes for some frankly painful listening.

      Also: do any of the other BAFTA ceremonies have pop bands?

    2. Anonymous1:46 pm

      Gary - can we send votes to your Cutlack page? Or just the RamRaider one?

    3. There should be a new category for wankiest supplement to come with a Games Mag. EDGE's recent Scandinavian Game Development supplement should win it hands down.

      Get it done please

    4. Dave Satan QC: Absolutely agree with everything you said there.

      Anonymous Knight: Send the nominations where you like, but they'll only get counted if I see them.

      Cunzy11: I've been thinking of peppering in a few "special" awards between the voted categories. That sounds like a promising candidate for one of them.

    5. Keith Andrew9:28 am

      Edge's completely balanced look at the PS3 this issue has to be in there somewhere.

    6. Anonymous1:37 pm

      I don't think taking the RR link off of the UKR page is going to convince anyone, Gary.

    7. Anonymous4:50 pm

      Games Forum Full O’ Cunts 2007 - World of Stuart

      Crappest Blog - Mr Biffo's blog.

    8. Anonymous5:15 pm

      I have a nomination

      Games Forum Full O’ Cunts 2007
      The World of Stuart - I didn't think it was possible for people to be such cunts until I saw the group of halfwits that post here. Reading it is like being flipped into another dimension. A cunty dimension where the terminally clueless have taken over the entire world.

    9. Anonymous9:30 am

      Worst Forum -World Of Stuart

      I used to love Stu's stuff in Amiga Power, but he has become an angry bitter and pathtic middle aged man. The rest of his forum are clueless shut-ins, grammarians and pedants. And cunts.

    10. I'd actually third the nomination for World of Stuart.

      You know one of those situations where an isolated group of people are *so very sure* of their perspective and intellectual capacity that they couldn't consider the fact that maybe their mum was lying when she told them that the other kids were just jealous, and they were the smartest in school?

      And it's all backed up by parallel glad-handing, where they each reassure eachother of their prowess, unaware of what kind double-edged sword a WoS compliment really is?

      This is the image given to you by 4 minutes on the board.

      Also, Campbell himself is some kind of bizarre, snack-obsessed man-brat, who appears to have hit impressively prodigious intelligence at 13, and been happy with that plateau ever since.

    11. Hello, I'd like to nominate the World of Stuart forum as well. I know I already emailed you this.

      Never before have I seen such a bunch of self-righteous know-it-alls spouting off essay length posts about everything that is wrong with the world, when it is quite clear most of them have hardly set foot outside. But at least they constantly undermine their pseudo-intellectual commentary on world affairs by regularly bickering about which is the best supermarket to save 3.5 pence on a multi-pack of Pepsi cans. Obviously they all reflect Campbell himself - the saviour of humanity and moral justice with his insane right wing views which he thinks are liberal, and also a lonely virgin has only just discovered how to make a toasted cheese sandwich on a grill.

      And special mention must go to Sticklebrick/CornerUnitSofa. Not only is he the biggest cunt on the internet, but he manages to post an average of 20.4 posts a day. Most of them a running commentary of what other posters have said.

    12. Anonymous9:28 pm

      I'm going to have to agree with the posts so far with regards to the WoS. I thought that it would be impossible to get a bigger collection of oddballs, cretins, freaks and shut ins than resides on RLLMUK, but the WoS proved me wrong. I posted on there for a little while, until I got banned for disagreeing with stuart over something and pointing out flaws in his argument. It's quite sad in a way, where once stu used to write pretty entertaining articles, he's now reduced to writing meaningless statistical bullshit (his grap of stats barely being above a year 6 level) on the euro championship qualifying groups and singing the praises of a kettle that can produce piping hot vimto in 3 seconds, viewers! It's quite sad to see a 40 year old man living such a pathetic life.

      Worst blog of the year has to go to Paul Rose's biffovision, to boot. It used to be fairly entertaining stuff, but now all he seems to do is try to shill his mediocre new book on it. Even worse, instead of marketing it as a load nonsense chat trancsripts, which is what it is, he seems to have convinced himself that he's somehow striking a blow for feminism and sexual equality, by dresing up and dicking about online. Woeful.

    13. Anonymous12:25 pm

      I'd also like to vote for the WoS forum.
      The people there never agree with me.
      Love Grim...

    14. Anonymous12:35 pm

      "I used to love Stu's stuff in Amiga Power, but he has become an angry bitter and pathtic middle aged man. The rest of his forum are clueless shut-ins, grammarians and pedants. And cunts."

      I think you'll find it's 'pathetic'.
      The WoS Forumites (especially Craster)

    15. Glass Museum12:40 pm

      Yeah, but the worst forum in the entire world is clearly the World of Champions.

    16. Zardoz1:42 pm

      Hey we all like games, right?

      Why don't we all just get along?

      WoS FTW!

      CUNT OFF L0LZ0RZ!!1

    17. Ian Osborne2:04 pm

      Do you get the impression some of the people complaining about WoS are sitting on the doorstep with a bottle of lemonade and a packet of crisps, desperately wishing they were inside enjoying the party? They certainly like to keep right up to date on the issues discussed there...


    18. Anonymous2:20 pm

      The lemonade is probably diet and the crisps aren't Seabrooks.

      Or something.

    19. I've got to agree, you're all cunts.

    20. Anonymous3:57 pm

      Games Forum of 2007 -

      Games Forum Full O' Cunts 2007 - RLLMUK (I quickly realised it is built around an elitist hierachy)

    21. sinister agent3:59 pm

      Most overrate pile o' shite? How can we possibly choose just one, RAM? I'm currently looking at a pile of crap-to-average games and simply cannot decide which is the most awash with PR bloke semen.

      I should probably rephrase that.

      Are there no other forums on the internet, then? Only pretty much every forum I've ever read was full of pisswicks. Divisive as WoS apparently is, it surely must have some competition.

    22. Ring-Raider5:04 pm

      RLLMUK. Full of cunts.

      WoS ain't so bad when I drop by occasionally. Nice people.

    23. Mr Chris7:56 pm

      Why the WoS hating? Did a bunch of WoSers come round your house and piss in your chips? Or are all those nominating who are nominating WoS as Cuntish Forum of the Year all bitter banees banned for acting the twat? I suspect the latter.

      I've always found WoS to be very welcoming of newcomers. It's a lovely place, really. Just don't argue with Stu about the definition of "nationality"... :-)

      I nominate WoS as Forum of the Year, and RRLMUK as Bunch O' Cunts of the year.

      And Jeff Minter for just being a big hairy stroppy petulant cunt.

    24. Mr Chris10:06 pm

      Typo typo typo, yes.

    25. Not Mr Dave10:14 pm

      Mr Chris is the biggest cunt of the lot. Ignore everything he says.

    26. Well surely the "Games Forum Full O’ Cunts 2007" award should go the the UK:R forum which already won an award on this site.

      Now called UK:P and is here as Mr. Ram Raider probably lost the link:

      We haven't seen him there for a while anyway.

    27. Anonymous9:48 pm

      Games writer twat of 2007

      Jeff Minter

    28. Anonymous9:52 pm

      Games Writer Twat of 2007

      Jeff Minter

    29. Anonymous9:27 am

      This is fucking hilarious. The WoC lot have got the fight they've blatantly been itching for with WoS for ages, the WoS lot have got another bunch to bitch about now that the YakYak flaming has died down, and Rammy gets loads of hits.

      Everyone's a winner! Or rather, everyone's a cunt. The core WoCers are the biggest bunch of arrogant tossers ever, obsessed with their in-jokes, secret forum (because they're too fucking wet to actually say anything to anyone's face and would rather act like a bunch of 5 year olds) and rampant slagging of anyone who they decide they don't like. And the WoS lot are playing right into this by being equally opinionated and arrogant: Stu going round locking threads, completely ignoring sensible, polite posts because they disagree with what he said and throwing hissy fits *really* looks good for him.

      They should share the award. Share it right up their own tedious, self-obsessed arses.

    30. Technically the WOC isn't a games forum though, otherwise we'd be more than happy to collect the award.

      You're pretty much right on the money, apart from the '5 year olds' bit. We like to think we're a bit nastier than that.

      Ramraider really doesn't deserve all these hits, though.

    31. I think the Games Forum of 2007 award should go to UK:P as they're all nice guys.

      We're leading the way as guy gamers and should be an inspiration to you all.

    32. Games Writer of Champions 2007 - Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw (Zero Punctuation)

      Has made some genuinely funny reviews and is not afraid to shoot down over hyped shite.

      Games Writer Twat of 2007 - Alec Meer (PCGamer)
      Purely for his The Witcher "review"

      A small excerpt for you:

      "It goes something like this: wave the little sword icon over an enemy, click and hold the button down. Realise it's not worked, try again. Eventually a circle appears around the icon and Albino Viggo will start swording. Keep holding until the icon turns orange. Click nownownow to activate a stronger attack, unless the enemy has moved slightly. Repeat."

      Here's a clue for you; if you are going to earn a living reviewing games, at the very least learn how to play the fucking things first. The whole point of the combat is the timing between the clicks, complaining that holding down the button and then clicking frantically like some kind of arthritis ridden spastic doesn’t work; is akin to repeated jamming your car keys into your eyes and then complaining that your car won’t start.


    33. Anonymous8:41 pm

      Cunt of the year:

      Tom Francis, for his review of Bioshock, in which we discover the man - who obviously suffers from of form of mental premature ejaculation - celebrating how much the game was like System Shock 2, while exaggerating like an utter cunt about how good it was. In his review he wrote:

      "BioShock had already made me physically gape several times by this stage, but here my mouth fell open and stayed open, only widening further as the scene became more extraordinary with every passing second. "

      After which Ken Levine probably thrust his errect member into the mouth of young Tom Francis. Bioshock, incidentally, gets my vote for most overhyped pile of shit this year, even ahead of Halo 3.

      Everything Yahtzee has done is brilliant btw, so he gets my vote for all categories he would be involved in that aren't negative.

    34. Anonymous9:43 pm

      Cough. As entertaining as all this is Im a little suprised there isn't any comment on the multiple stories of corruption, scandal and PR ineptitude that surfaced this week.

    35. I tend to go for stuff people may not have heard of - the GameSpot scandal was very well publicised in the press. Don't worry though - it will be getting a mention soon...

    36. sinister agent1:39 am

      Bless. Yakyak? WoC? WoS? It's a bit like when one of those wee baltic states like Bulimia or Albania suddenly starts a war with its neighbours. Everybody suddenly has a really strong opinion about it, but if you gave them a map they'd have no bloody clue where the place was.

      Overhyped pile o' shite then... argh. I'll have to say Halo 3, much as it's a fierce competition, nothing else came close in terms of hype, and nothing else was so predictably, soul-wearyingly mediocre.

      Games writer of the year: That Ben Croshaw/Zero Punctuation chap off the Escapist. A bit too soft on Half-life and FEAR, but he's one of few games chappies I make any time for these days, and he's come up with a decent format for internet-based reviewing that's not all style and no substance.

      The review of Halo 3 is a good example, if not his most entertaining.

    37. sinister agent2:03 am

      Baltic; Balkan; whatever. Shush.

    38. Is this still going? Then I'm nominating Play for shitrag of the year, based on whatever issue I read last (the one where Kane & Lynch and Ratchet & Clank get basically the same score). The writing's dreadful, the reportage is tedious, and the editorial stance is beautifully summed up in a column by Nick Jones moaning about how much he hates being a games journalist. If you hate games that much, they should change you out like a lightbulb.

      I'd also like to nominate Samuel Roberts for Fucking Awful Writer of the year (or whatever). A scan of his stuff (including that woeful Ratchet review) will show why, but the purest example of his incompetence has to be the Call Of Duty 4 review where he spends an entire paragraph whining that the bit where your sniper bullet's affected by the wind is unrealistic: something that three seconds of Google research would have disproved. Oh, and the fact that his fucking bitching got through the editorial filter suggests that his prod ed and editor aren't up to much, either.


    39. Keith Andrew4:48 pm

      RLLMUK? Elitist?


    40. Anonymous9:59 am

      Another vote for World of Stuart for the 'forum full of cunts' award.
      Games Writer of Champions 2007 - Ben Croshaw.
      Corruption or Lie of 2007 - the PS3.

    41. Anonymous3:39 pm

      I would like to nominate Jack Nicholas as best supporting actor for "A Few Good Men".