Halo 3 though was everything we feared it would be, and then some. We’ve never rated the Halo series. The first was reasonable, but ran like a one-legged foreigner from the police. Its middling reviews when it finally got ported to the PC confirmed what only sane people were thinking: Halo is an average FPS which is nothing to get excited about.
If the first was enough to make console reviewers prematurely ejaculate, then the sequel made their balls turn inside out. In their eagerness to score it in the mid-nineties, they all somehow failed to notice that the single player campaign was atrocious. The multiplayer was the equivalent to Halo’s single player campaign on the Xbox: alright for a console, but otherwise nothing special.
A cunt playing Halo 3, yesterday:
So along comes part 3, with a stupid amount spent on publicising the thing and “convincing” reviewers to bleat on about how fantastic it is before playing it properly. What the sane were left with is a mix of the first’s single player campaign mixed with the second’s multiplayer mode. And that’s all. Still nothing special, still glitchy, and still completely shat upon by most proper FPS games for the PC.
It’ll happen again, though. In a year or two, the PC port will arrive and all the reviewers will smugly proclaim, “Well, actually, it’s rubbish! Just like the first two! And we’re the only ones to notice!” despite largely being the same reviewers who’d banged on about it in the first place. We’re really hoping Gillen gets to review it for Gamer after his sell-out 94% love-fest for some PDF “magazine”.
The only thing Halo 3 will ever be good for is, if you’ve got the “Legendary” edition, turning the helmet upside down and taking a big, steaming shit into it. Then it can go into a museum when there’s a show about the history of gaming in fifty years from now, and the write up next to it can read, “Everyone got excited about Halo 3 fifty years ago, despite it being like this helmet – a cheap looking piece of crap that’s shite inside.”
Mediocrity; thy name is Halo.