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    Tuesday, July 15, 2008

    13th, 12th & 11th Least Hideous: Will Porter, John Houlihan & Andy Kelly

    Yet more Future-ites are leading the charge into the Top 10. Porter is the current editor of the slowly dying PC Zone, and is seen here sporting his one and only facial expression which he likes to accompany with a half-asleep-public-schoolboy accent. Houlihan, who recently turned 40, deals with online stuff despite being old. Andy Kelly took the number two spot the last time we did this back in 2006. Although his impressively enduring indie-emo-boy hair-do has secured him an even greater score this time around, the higher standard has only just banished him from the Top 10.

    And now, Things Cunts Say:


    Have a look through that pile of paperwork on the floor. Underneath your contract and your commissions, there’s a style guide. What does it say? Does it instruct you to write something witty and informative about the game you’re dealing with? Yes. Does it instruct you to tell the reader about your boring, crappy, shitty life? Does it fuck. So don’t. Because, guess what? That’s right – nobody gives a fuck, because they’re buying a magazine to read about games, not your fucking autobiography. Save it for your blog that nobody reads, or your angsty diary you keep by your bed whilst harbouring delusions that one day it’ll be published. It won’t be published, because nobody cares about your life. Because you’re a cunt.

    Congratulations, Will Porter, John Houlihan & Andy Kelly – The RAM Raider salutes you!


    1. Fuck sake. Can we choose our own photos next time, RAM?

    2. Anonymous7:35 pm

      Andy Kelly: would

    3. Will P2:13 pm

      I actually have two facial expressions. I reserve the other for games of croquet and soggy biscuit with my public school chums, and certainly not for riff-raff like you.

    4. Anonymous4:36 pm

      Andy Kelly: Cheer up you miserable little cunt.

    5. I'm cheery as fuck, mate.