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    Wednesday, July 30, 2008

    2nd Least Hideous: Dave Perry

    The official least hideous games journalist of 2006 has slipped down a place, making way for a new champion. Despite scoring an impressive 9.3, which is a massive improvement on his previous winning score of 7.9, the crown upon the legendary Dave Perry’s bandanna-clad head is now ready to be passed on thanks to the huge score pulled in by the winner. But who is the winner? Is it you? Well, is it? Find out tomorrow.

    And now, a flame-war special edition of Things Cunts Say. Today, an Anonymous Knight suggests this:

    “Eye popping”

    The amount of sub-eds who let this through in national newspapers, magazines and even TV scripts is mind-boggling. What an absolute fuckbag of a phrase. Whose eyes actually pop?

    But Sinister Agent says:

    It's not as bad as “mind-blowing”. The instant I see that in any piece, I stop reading before I'm overwhelmed by the urge to hunt down the writer and show them a far more effective way of blowing out their feeble mind.

    Finally, another Anonymous Knight weighs in with this:

    “Whose eyes actually pop?”

    Probably the same people whose minds boggle, you dozy cunt.

    Good effort, readers.

    Congratulations, Dave Perry – The RAM Raider salutes you!


    1. Anonymous10:14 am

      Fuck sake, this rating system is bent. Look at that bandana-wearing tosser! 9.3 my arse.

      Also, that photo is probably about 10 years old, from his Gamesmaster days. You could have at least found a more recent photo, Rammy.

      You're a failure. A fat fucking failure and I hope your balls drop off when you're having a poo, so that when you flush the toilet you'll flush your balls away.

    2. Anonymous12:19 pm

      I love how this "Things Cunts Say" thing is just an excuse for you to copy and paste stuff that's already been posted in the comments section (which people would read anyway if they wanted to).

      Shouldn't you be coming up with this list yourself if you're such a knowledgeable chap?

      I'm tempted to nominate CTRL-C and CTRL-V for Games Media Awards, because they're the ones that are doing the work here.

    3. Anonymous4:47 pm

      Yeah, interesting that despite your previously-announced plan of finding the worst possible picture of each subject, you've actually used the most flattering picture of Dave Perry in existence. Because you want to kiss his face, I would imagine.

      Oh and another thing that is not necessarily cuntish but that I am tiring of is the forming of portmanteau words such as 'fuckbag', 'shitbelch', or 'wankchimney' in an attempt to be clever. Charlie Brooker has a lot to answer for, children.

    4. Anonymous8:06 pm

      You cockrag.

    5. Anonymous9:27 pm

      Here's my nomination for Things Cunts Say:

      "Click here to nominate us for the Games Media Awards."

    6. Who the hell wanks off to Dave Perry?

    7. sinister agent3:58 pm

      Who the hell wanks off to Dave Perry?

      Dave Perry, obviously.

    8. Anonymous4:05 pm

      Dave Perry. Into one of his bandanas, which he then puts on his dog's head.