The RAM Raider Awards 2008: Vote Now

The trouble with heckling is that despite the smug satisfaction you get from telling a screaming fuckwitted cretin exactly what you think of them, getting caught is quite embarrassing. But seeing as our embarrassment muscles withered and died along with our souls over a decade ago, we’re yet again willing to take one for the team in the name of The RAM Raider Awards.

Some minor tweaks to some of the categories aside, they’re exactly the same as last year’s pioneering ceremony with the notable exception of the brand new one-off special award for exceptional cuntiness to celebrate our three and a bit years of horrendous existence. As usual, you can pick as many or as few categories as you want, and then send your nominations for them (with reasons, if you like) to us through email, the comments box, Facebook, or in person.

Everyone is eligible for everything. When we announce the winners in a few weeks, we’ll anonymise any vote explanations we use unless you’ve already made them publicly visible in the comments box or on our Facebook wall thing.

And remember – this is the last time these awards will run, and so the last time you’ll ever get to vote.

Here are the categories:


Writer Of Champions 2008
Couldn’t-Write-His-Way-Out-Of-A-Paper-Bag Writer 2008

Who the fuck keeps getting work despite having no discernible talent when it comes to writing or games reviewing? Name and shame that cunt who keeps turning out copy that makes the search for sense and clarity akin to panning for gold.


PR Hero 2008
PR Cunt 2008

Have you got to the point where instead of expecting PR husks to do their jobs, you just slope dejectedly into their offices on deadline day, drop your trousers and bend over their reception desk so they can get on with doing what they do best? Welcome to the world of games journalism – it’s not going to get any better. Ease some of the frustration by naming and shaming those fuckers whose dicks are so firmly up their own arseholes, they actually piss out of their mouths.


Most Ridiculous Statement Masquerading As Games Journalism 2008

Vote for anything that’s made you double-check the front of the mag to make sure it is a games publication you’ve bought rather than the Sixth-Form Philosophy Monthly group masturbation supplement. Stuff that’s featured in our own series is eligible, or you can nominate your own discoveries. What’s that? Aww, is poor baby getting all upset about getting trolled on the internet? Is baby going to cry? Well, baby should have fucking thought about that before their ego talked them into getting work writing for a commercial public readership. Cunts.


Least Disastrous Magazine 2008
Most Hateful Cunt-Rag Of A Magazine 2008

One of these is sponsored by Edge. Tell us which.


Sparkling Forum Of Wit And Glory 2008
Forum Full O’ Cunts 2008

What’s harder – finding the one half-decent forum out there, or managing to pin down the worst?


Game Least Likely To Induce Suicide 2008
Most Overrated Pile Of Shite 2008

Tell us the least awful game you’ve sat through this year, and then nominate Spore for the second category.


Unwankiest Blog / Personal Website 2008
Most Disgustingly Inept Blog / Personal Website 2008

When The Triforce was nominated by the voters for the less desirable of these awards last year, David McCarthy said, “Right, let’s see their blogs then.” We love David McCarthy.


The RAM Raider Special Award For Cuntitude Above And Beyond The Usual Standard Of Cuntiness Expected On A Day To Day Basis Amongst Games Industry Cunts

A brand new special one-off award to celebrate the most ridiculous quantities of cuntabulousness displayed by an individual or organisation in the three and a half years we’ve been lying on the doorstep of the games industry like an overly aqueous turd. Warning: only to be used in cases of extra-special cuntitiousness.


Voting

Here’s where to point your magic eye before the tanks are blown:

Comments Section – Be anonymous, pseudonymous, or loud and proud in the comments section below.

Email – RamRaiderBlog@gmail.com

Facebook – It’s an inarguable fact that the more “friends” you have on Facebook, the longer your electronic penis is. Ours looks like a flaccid flap of truncated linguine at the moment, so help us out by befriending us here. You can either post your votes on the wall thing, via the message function, or anonymously through the honesty box app. You can then cyberstalk and groom us until you work out who we are.

In Person – If you know us, tell us.


Giddy-up, beautiful readers.