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    Wednesday, December 10, 2008

    >Run Shit-Filter v.2.0

    **BEEP**BEEP**BUZZ**

    THANK YOU FOR ACTIVATING THE GAMES REVIEW SHIT-FILTER TRANSLATOR PROGRAMME

    PLEASE INPUT SHIT:

    “Attempting to persuade catatonic big rigs around an anfractuous Gordian knot of narrow dirt roads remains a torturous exercise in futility.”

    **BEEP**BEEP**WHIRR**BUZZ**

    TRANSLATION:

    “Driving the big vehicles is hard.”

    THANK YOU FOR USING THE GAMES REVIEW SHIT-FILTER TRANSLATOR PROGRAMME SPONSORED BY EDGE

    END OF LINE


    ***
    Suggested by an Anonymous Knight regarding a dribble of semen running down the leg of Edge’s anfractuous review of Motorstorm: Pacific Rift.

    20 comments:

    1. This can't be real, surely? What horrible cunts Edge are.

      ReplyDelete
    2. Anonymous9:13 am

      Isn't this that scene from Friends where Joey writes a real sentence, then uses a thesaurus to change every word into something else just to sound clever?

      Pretty sure it is, yeah.

      ReplyDelete
    3. Anonymous9:24 am

      Because they use words you don't understand? HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!

      ReplyDelete
    4. by definition of a Gordian knot, I think the word anfractuous is unnecessary.

      THE TWATS! eh?

      ReplyDelete
    5. Anonymous10:59 am

      Wait a minute ... that sounds more like an A Level physics essay rather than a review ...

      This is why I haven't read Edge for five years.

      ReplyDelete
    6. Anonymous4:04 pm

      Nah, you can use anfractuous with Gordian knot. There's enough difference for them not to be tautologous.

      Oh dear... I didn't say "Cunt"... hold on.

      Long wordz is 4 cunts though and shit and that. Facepalm back-in-the-day and stuff.

      ReplyDelete
    7. Anonymous4:19 am

      "Pod said:
      by definition of a Gordian knot, I think the word anfractuous is unnecessary."


      --- REVERSE SHIT FILTER ---

      BEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

      "The prodigious Edge Magazine prevail with their beguiling tautological approach..."

      ReplyDelete
    8. Anonymous11:03 am

      There's a rumour going round that Edge only put 'difficult' words in the mag these days just to piss off simpletons like you lot. If that's true, it's brilliant. LOFL.

      ReplyDelete
    9. Anonymous2:46 pm

      Why are we simpletons? We know what the words mean, it's just that they are pretentious tossers trying to make their reviews sound like important literature, when all anybody wants to know is whether a game is worth playing or not.

      ReplyDelete
    10. Anonymous6:59 pm

      Has anyone ever written about the Edge "wheel of words" on here? Verisimilitude!

      ReplyDelete
    11. Anonymous7:06 pm

      "anfractuous" ? I have one of these English degree things, and read all sorts of those book doodads, and I don't think I've even heard of that gem of a word. And by 'gem of a word' I mean probably %99.8 of the people that read that review will have no idea what that word means, so it should not have been employed.

      ReplyDelete
    12. Anonymous9:58 pm

      ahahahah.
      The best ram raider post yet.

      ReplyDelete
    13. Anonymous10:51 am

      "I have one of these English degree things, and read all sorts of those book doodads"

      You have an English degree 'thing' and you read book 'doodads'... do you mean you've got an English degree and you read books? Yes, you fucking do mean that. Why not just say that then?!

      Using reverse snobbery to make a fuckless point about a made-up stat... fucking dumbing-down, shit-eating fuck!

      Then compound that tedious splutting by the statement that you don't 'think' you'd heard of the word?

      You either had or you hadn't, you fence-sitting fuck-knuckle.

      Reverse snobbery, pontificating cuntishness.

      Also, that made-up stat of readers can show a bit of curiosity and use a fucking dictionary. Or are we going to be reduced to only using words that made-up stat of the world's population does understand!!!?

      ReplyDelete
    14. Anonymous11:14 am

      "They are pretentious tossers trying to make their reviews sound like important literature"

      Well, if the rumour is true, what they're actually trying to do is a laugh at your expense, and it's working! LOL

      "when all anybody wants to know is whether a game is worth playing or not."

      Yeah, I think you've got the wrong magazine - you meant to pick up Gamesmaster! Hehe.

      ReplyDelete
    15. Anonymous3:07 pm

      "Also, that made-up stat of readers can show a bit of curiosity and use a fucking dictionary. Or are we going to be reduced to only using words that made-up stat of the world's population does understand!!!?"

      Calm down Kieron.

      ReplyDelete
    16. Anonymous11:28 pm

      "Well, if the rumour is true, what they're actually trying to do is a laugh at your expense, and it's working! LOL"

      HAHA YES LOL

      Wait, what? They're only acting like pretentious fuckholes as a joke? Perhaps somebody should pop along to the Edge office and explain the concept of humour.

      "Yeah, I think you've got the wrong magazine - you meant to pick up Gamesmaster! Hehe."

      How about I don't pick up Gamesmaster, Edge or any other Future rag. That would seem the best idea. It's very expensive toilet paper and not very absorbent anyway.


      p.s saying LOL and HEHE makes you sound 10 years old. And also makes you sound like a cunt.

      ReplyDelete
    17. Anonymous11:41 am

      Got you. Hehe.

      ReplyDelete
    18. Anonymous5:15 pm

      Great, so now I can review a game and write the text in French because it's up to the reader, who really should speak french, to have an English/French dictionary at hand anyway. I can't wait for BG&E II now.
      Not only is anfractuous an uncommon word, it does nothing for the text and every race circuit is like a Gordian knot anyway - when was the last time you saw one 'untied' by anything other than a very direct smashes from some heavy machinery? You can't untie them, they are circuits and, by their nature, loop.

      ReplyDelete
    19. Anonymous10:10 am

      "I can review a game and write the text in French because it's up to the reader, who really should speak french..." Uh? Not unless you are writing for a predominantly French-speaking readership. Did your publisher not explain that in freshers' week? Twat.

      "an English/French dictionary..." Wouldn't enable you to speak French. Mewling brat.

      No race circuit is like a Gordian knot otherwise all the cars (or horses or dogs or people or rats or small people riding dogs) would smash into the first overlapping armco or pile of tyres.

      Jingles, not only do you fear your own language, you also know nothing about dwarf-jockey-dog racing.

      Change your career to one that requires less terror of English. Try... being a dog jockey.

      Ho ho ho - and you know what I mean by that.

      ReplyDelete
    20. Anonymous5:30 pm

      "Uh? Not unless you are writing for a predominantly French-speaking readership" Which is my point, you confused wee cockraveller. If you are making the majority of you readers look up the words you are using in your review then you are doing a poor job. You don't blame them for not understanding. Never used an English/French dictionary to help you speak french? They can contain all the phonetics you need for pronunciation, so yeah - they can enable you to speak French to some basic level. Vous êtes un cock.

      ReplyDelete