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    Thursday, January 01, 2009

    Exciting 4th Birthday Gimmick

    EDIT: Originally posted on 5th April 2009; moved to make way for the contents page.

    A resurrection? A u-turn? A phoenix from the ashes? Nope – just a quick post to mark our fourth birthday. Yup, it really has been four years since a slightly worrying persona was gestated in the womb of a breakdown after constant rodding from the semi-flaccid gut-sticks of the industry, only to rip its way out taking a bit of flap on the way, and landing squarely on a hastily set up Blogger page covered in its own embryonic fluids.

    As is tradition, we’ve got a birthday gimmick for you to indulge in. But first, a quick update.

    We promised to put up the collected works of Ridiculous Statements Masquerading As Games Journalism in an easy-to-update format when we packed up updating the blog back in January, but never got around to it. That’ll be up within the next few days, along with the contents page we also promised before wandering away to crack off onto a pile of old mags from the glory days.

    Also, although the blog’s no longer being updated, we’re still active on e-mail and Facebook.

    If you want to keep closer tabs on us, just nip down to our local parole office and ask for the sexual offenders’ monitoring unit. Failing that, you can become one of our beautiful Twitter followers.

    We started the Twitter account as a locked experiment, but opened it up when we were “discovered” by our very first follower, Dan Griliopoulos, who’s since left in disgust.

    If you’ve not been following our updates, you’ll have missed highlights such as us asking N’Gai Fucking Croal if he intends to apologise to the innocent Capcom developers he defamed by accusing them of using racist imagery to serve his own cause of self-publicity. His considered response was “Sensitive thugs, y’all all need hugs” (sic), whilst one of his gang suggested we were being racist without a hint of irony. Just to remind you: this is the man whose every word is hung from by the self-appointed cream of the industry.

    For more “fun” like that, and to gasp in horror at just how willing our fellow journalists are to openly wank each other off to the point that we’re all drowning in seminal fluid and the blood that’s gushing from their cracked foreskins, hook up now or subscribe using RSS.

    And now, our birthday gimmick. After fielding a surprising number of suggestions from our beloved TwitteRR Knights, we’ve decided to ignore them all by doing this: The RAM Raider Apologia Gimmick. The idea is simple – if you think we owe you an apology, tell us, and you’ll get one.

    Whether you think we’ve overstepped the mark with you, been overly rude to you or about you, or simply passed comment about your inane writing, contact us through any of the usual ways or via the comments box and you’ll get an apology.

    A couple of things to note: you have to be asking for an apology for yourself. This will no doubt come as an enormous disappointment to the Bath Elitorati who had at this point already got halfway through their pompous, righteous emails about how we should immediately address the fact that we’ve included one of their buddies on the Ridiculous Statements or Cunt Of The Year or what the fuck ever lists, and that we should apologise immediately so they can bask in their own self-adoration and assure their mates that their writing is actually fantastic and deserving of worldwide approval rather than being middling-at-best. Which it is.

    Also, this is a one-time deal. If you’re getting currency out of telling anyone that’ll listen (or has to listen because they’ve got the misfortune of being seated next to you in the office or the pub) how “out of order” we’ve been to you, then it’s time to put up or shut the fuck up. Let this opportunity slide, and you’ve officially got nothing to complain about.

    And maybe after we’ve done some apologising, just maybe, it’ll rub off on certain other cunts who have made outrageous accusations that they can’t back up. Probably not, though.

    Finally, thanks for all the messages asking for the blog to be brought back, but we really don’t have any plans to do so in the near future. Keep being nice though, and we might consider doing a one off late in the year.

    Until then, look out for the collected Ridiculous Statements post, contents post, and The RAM Raider Apologia Gimmick. Goodbye, lovelies.

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