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    Monday, July 20, 2009

    Games Media Awards 2009

    We were going to do this on Twitter, but fuck it.

    With your help, we got all of our favourites shortlisted for the GMAs last year. Sadly, the least deserving nominees then went about utilising the mags they and their mates write for to beg for votes, so the likes of Blyth didn’t win. The categories have been tweaked again this year, but they’re still relying on a cock-eyed system whereby PRs and old boys’ networks are, hnghh, “trusted” to pick winners.

    So instead of asking for you to support the cream, and to spare ourselves the embarrassment of suggesting you vote for us so the shills can say “you must be fucking joking”, we’ve prepared a cut-and-paste email pointing out to the judges precisely who in the industry media can fuck off. If you don’t want to use email, pledge your support anonymously in the comments box and we’ll send it all off to the lovely Dave Roberts at so he can pass them along to the fuckwitted judges.

    “Hullo Dave!

    Here is a list of people who can fuck off when it comes to the GMAs:

    Edge, Edge, any Official mag, Edge, PC Gamer, The Guardian and any other newspaper, any mainstream magazine, Edge, and RockPaperShotgun, as any commercial blog that wastes its readers’ time with 10,000 words on magnetic games compendiums and multi-part features about themselves (no, really) can double-fuck off. And Edge.

    I also demand that you instate a category of ‘Best Cold Dead Blog & Associated Twitter Feed That Fucks Off The Industry With The Uncomfortable Truth.’

    Thanks. Bye.”

    If you want to support the deserving a little more directly, here’s who we’ve properly nominated:

    Games Magazine: GamesTM & Retro Gamer

    Games Website: The Unreliable Eurogamer

    Specialist Games Writer (Print): Jon Blyth

    Specialist Games Writer (Online): The Unreliable Eurogamer’s Tom Bramwell

    Games Blog:

    Games Broadcast or Podcast: R1’s Johnny Minkley & Byron’s One Life Left

    Rising Star: NGamer’s Alan Ismail (hehehe)

    Games Media Legend: Stuart Campbell


    1. Anonymous2:49 pm

      To you and Tom Bramwell: Get a room.

    2. Surely an even better way of telling them to fuck off would be to just ignore them?

    3. Anonymous3:06 pm

      VG247? You mean the blog that shoves any old rumour up as news, complete with 'shock-horror' headlines that allude to something far more exciting than the non-story itself? C'mon Rammy, you can do better than that. Your nominations are a bit of an EG whitewash, really. Put some more thought into it, son.

    4. Anonymous3:45 pm

      C'mon, who cares? Those awards lost all credibility when Spong was nominated for best "Games Website - News" and "Games Website - Reviews & Features". SPONG! Laugh? I nearly died.

    5. Anon: They already got a room. You're looking at it!

      I can't believe they left out Most Original Haiku Games Review for the second time in a row.


    6. Anonymous11:27 pm

      Some very generic choices there, Rams.

    7. Hey Rammy, I'm absolutely loving your choice for 'Rising Star'. That boy is gonna go far!

    8. Anonymous4:48 pm

      Campbell's lost it. All he seems to write about these days is dull as fuck almanac lists on shit games that no one cares about. The Complete Arkanoid story? Really?

      He needs more of that righteous anger back. Retro Gamer is not the place for passionate fury.

    9. CN U KP UP?6:51 pm

      Oh right. Everyone you wanted nominated got nominated, thanks entirely to you? I seem to remember you BEGGING for a nomination, then not getting one, then conveniently forgetting about it as realisation set in that everyone thinks you're a CUNT.

    10. CN U KP UP?6:51 pm

      And having to approve all the comments is GAY and yet more proof that you CAN'T HANDLE IT.