Merry Christmas From GMX Media!

We love this time of year, especially when firms take the time and trouble to send out messages of Christmas cheer and goodwill. One of our readers received this “Christmas card” from GMX Media and was instantly filled with seasonal spirit.

“Wow, really nice of GMX to send out a Christmas card and not, for example, a blatant advert with the words season's greetings tacked on.”


Christmas in the GMX household must be great.

“But daddy – I wanted an Xbox360 for Christmas”

“You’ll take this leaflet about our shit games and bloody well like it. And make sure you show all your friends at school. And their parents”


At least the e-mail provided an address to complain to if the contents of it were spam. Seeing as an advert posing as a Christmas card is obviously spam, we’ll be e-mailing steven@gmxmedia.net to tell him, and urge you to as well.


Happy Christmas, readers!

The RAM Raider Christmas Quiz (part 1)

Whilst we tot up the votes for the RR Awards 2005, we’ll hand the torch over to our talented PR friend (a very rare thing) David McCain for a Christmas Quiz. The questions are in the style of Popbitch, so post your answers in the comments section and bask in the top prize, which is being the envy of your friends.


“1) Which dubiously attractive PR girl is notorious for getting so horny after a night on the coke that she will fuck almost anyone though she prefers going down on guys?

2) Which widely liked PR Manager (another very rare thing – RR) sent out review disks containing not review code but copies of the 'MILF Hunter' movies he'd downloaded the previous night?

3) Which PR impresario has such a habit that he’s no longer allowed to speak to journalists on the phone after lunch?”


Sorry if you’re not a PR or a journo and can’t take part, but it’ll be just as much fun to watch the guessing. More questions soon, and look out for the first of the RR Awards to be awarded shortly.

FIFA 06: EA Don’t Want You To Know It’s Shit

Sharp-eyed readers recently noticed that http://www.eurogamer.net/ were forced to pull their review of FIFA 06: Road to FIFA World Cup for Xbox360 because it was embargoed until the 2nd December. As the game is going to be released on the 2nd December, and EG gave it an impressive 2/10, it would be easy to assume that EA would rather you all bought it before reading bad things about it.

If you’re thinking of buying it, it’s only fair you read EG’s review first, so here it is. (We’ll remove it as soon as EG put it back up on their site)

(2/12/05 EDIT: EG has put the review back up now the embargo has passed - http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=61919)

Campbell Defends Games Journalism

After our response to Matt Martin’s hopelessly misjudged article harping on about how “lucky” games journalists are was printed in MCV last week, it was brought to the attention of the nation’s official top games journalist. He was just as outraged as we were by the article, and his excellent response has been printed in this week’s issue.

The god of games journalism shared our sentiments when it came to what journalists are meant to do, namely report the truth without being swayed by PR perks/bribery. The response is also somehow even more venomous than our own. Here are some extracts:


“You’re not a “games journalist”, Matt, nor any other kind of journalist. If you need something to put under “Occupation” on your passport next time you’re off on some freebie junket, call yourself what you are. You’re a PR Auxiliary, or maybe a Marketing Assistant, perhaps a Junior Advertising Executive. You’re not in the business of investigation and communication, which is what journalists do. You’re a salesman. Actually, not even that.

You’re in a job and you have a duty to do it properly, and that means ignoring all the free holidays and shiny presents you’ve been given by companies whose only purpose in doing so is to try to distort your coverage in their favour. (If they just wanted you to see the game, after all, they could send you a disc in the post.)

There are a few people working in video games who do still practice real journalism. It’s quite offensive and arrogant for you to debase their work by pretending your airheaded cheerleading puts you in the same line of business… don’t get ideas above your station, eh?”


http://worldofstuart.excellentcontent.com/mcvr.jpg for the whole thing.

That Stuart can lay down his views in such an entertaining and overtly insulting way is exactly why this site considers him to be the nation’s number one journo, and he wasn’t even hiding behind anonymity like we do (although he probably got his £25). We feel obliged to acknowledge MCV for having the guts to print two scathing rebukes of Matt Martin two issues running, though, and would like to see what Mr. Martin has to say.

Stuart – we’re returning the compliment with interest when we say that was superb. The RAM Raider salutes you.

Official Xbox360 Magazine Does “It” Again

We had it all planned out. We were going to post a huge critique of issue 2 of Official Xbox 360 Magazine. We were going to scream from the tops of our lungs about how painfully obvious it is that their “world exclusive review” of Perfect Dark Zero was written after playing unfinished code. We were going to crow about how the writer hasn’t even been identified, with a crap cartoon image and the name “Justin Thyme” being substituted for his real details because of the wrongdoing. We were even going to ask how Future can justify asking £6 for a magazine that still has a DVD full of video clips instead of playable demos hidden inside the ridiculous box.

But we’re not going to do that.

Instead, we’re going to ask the brilliantly talented team behind the magazine (Cutlack! He writes the funny bits of UK:R!) to please put a stop to this nonsense. Let’s have no more “exclusives” derived from unfinished code written by journalists unable to even put their name to them. Tell your bosses at your next meeting that you want honesty in your magazine.

Is that too much to ask?

RAM Raider Makes Print Debut

We're going to pretend to be a workblog for once. After some courting by industry rag MCV, we decided to fire off a response to an article they printed about how being a games journalist is the best thing ever. They printed it on page 61 of the 18/11/05 issue:


“Another week, another ill-judged, misinformed and overly-aggressive editorial. In the last issue of MCV (11/11), Matt Martin took it upon himself to declare that games journalists have "one of the best jobs in the world", and forcibly poured scorn upon those of us who have dared to complain about the games industry. Well excuse me Mr. Martin, but you can take your "put up or shut up" attitude and stick it up your arse.

In case Mr. Martin has forgotten, games journalists are part of the national press. The press are there for a specific reason – to tell it how it is. We witness incompetence and poor practice flying at us from all angles, and it's our duty as the press to report this to the consumers. Of course the job is better than scraping grease from biscuit-making machinery, but I bet when Martin did that for a living he wasn't leaping out of bed every morning praising the heavens that he wasn't a one-legged leper with AIDS. Everything's relative.

Ignoring Martin's point about the "hundreds of talented kids out there who would kill" to be in our position (purely because they don't exist – ask any magazine editor how many legible applications he receives in a year and you'll receive a single-figure answer), scolding us for not appreciating the "perks" is yet another flaw in the argument. Does he really think PR trips are laid on as a massive favour for the journalists? They're there solely to convince us to portray their forthcoming games in as favourable a light as possible – glorified advertising at best, borderline bribery at worst. [The second half of that sentence was edited out]

But we should of course all follow Martin's advice immediately, and leave the games industry. After all, why bother standing up and speaking out against everything that's rotten and joyless about the games industry when we could just take the coward's way out? Oh, that's right – because it's our jobs to tell the truth.

We're moaning about the games industry because we care about it. We've seen how great it can be, and it can be saved if only more people would make a stand against charmless asinine journalism promoting poor industry decisions. Martin demands that we should "rekindle the passion", but if there's anyone more passionate about games than the journalists who are prepared to openly debate the games industry, warts and all, regardless of what the PR and publishing overlords dictate, then they've done an excellent job of flying under the radar.

How about this for a counter-proposal – end the sterility coursing through the veins of modern games journalism and rekindle the fun and honesty, or piss off.

RAM Raider”


MCV’s reply was “It’s great to see such passion, but surely the “coward’s way out” is criticising from behind the safety of a pseudonym…?”

The answer to that is simple and obvious. We’ve all seen what happens to journalists who actually do their jobs and tell the truth instead of toeing the corporate line so, to quote from a comment we left on some guy’s blog a couple of weeks ago, “honesty is the bastion of the exiled and the anonymous”.

We’re not ready to be exiled from the industry yet, so we’ll stick with anonymity for now.

“Celebrity” Reaction: Dave Perry

Dave was the last of our nation’s “celebrity” journalists to give us a response to his Top 10 entry (the shameful four who ignored us are Curran, Cutlack, Diamond and Krotoski – if anyone wants to send in responses on their behalf, good or bad, we’ll post the best as punishment). On a more positive note, Dave’s response was very good.


“There's no disgrace in coming second to Mr Campbell, who is certainly one of my own favourite games writers of all-time. I'd like to thank everyone who voted for me... and so on, and so on, and everybody who has enjoyed my mags or watched the TV shows I've appeared on through the years!”

We couldn’t agree more – coming second to Campbell is nothing to be ashamed of. Dave answered his personal question next.


“As for the question as to whether I have any plans to return to the industry... the answer is a simple one... yes I do.

Apart from interacting with members and fans over at my website, I have deliberately stayed away from gaming on a professional level for the past five years or so. I think everybody needed a rest from me, and I needed a rest from 'having' to play games, rather than playing them because I wanted to. During my time away I've been able to play just for fun again and it has been good for me and for my love of gaming. Now I feel ready to immerse myself in the industry again and hopefully put a bit of 'colour' back into its cheeks. Older, wiser... just as big headed. Should be interesting.”

Dave makes a good point there. Not many people realise how different the experience of playing games as a job is compared with playing for fun. We’d definitely agree that it’s time he made a comeback too, before all those half-arsed “mainstream” journalists and company bitches make us forget what gaming’s really all about.


“Thanks for the praise. You're all very brave. Ram Raider Rules!”

Aww, thanks Dave. The RAM Raider salutes you.


(PS – Thanks to Board of Biffo’s Ming for the picture of Dave making his presence felt)

The Top 10 “Celebrity” Games Journalists In Full

1 – Stuart Campbell
The greatest games journalist ever, shunned by the industry he loves

2 – Dave Perry
The guy with the bandanna who’s not such a twat after all (maybe)

3 – Gary Cutlack aka Cmdr Zorg
The UK:Resistance bloke who’s funnier on the internet

4 – Kieron Gillen
Brilliant writer hobbled by NGJ

5/6/7 – The Triforce
Simon Byron, Ste Curran and the other one, trying to have fun

8 – Dominik Diamond
Ex-GamesMaster, ex-likeable guy

9 – Paul Rose aka Mr. Biffo
Creator of Digitiser whose talents have been recognised elsewhere

10 – Aleks Krotoski
American bird from Bits who writes boring stuff for the boring Guardian GamesBlog


Two has-beens, one never-was, a quitter, a legend, some guys we probably should have included as one place instead of three, a screenwriter, and one of the busiest games journalists around (not in that order). We tried to mix the old with the new, taking into consideration the longevity of the old-guard’s reputations and relevance against more recent names.

No other industry can claim to have journalists who are as well known as its creators. Can you name ten “celebrity” TV critics, or ten “celebrity” music critics? Games journos don’t have the gloss they once did any more, and we’ve got the internet to thank for that. Whether that’s a good thing or not is up to you, but we think it’s a shame.

Look out for our next update, where we’ll be naming the “also-ran” list of names for the Official Top 10, and why they didn’t make it, and naming who would have been included if we had made The TriForce take up just one place (which, with hindsight, was probably down to laziness on our part). We’ll also be asking all of the Official Top 10 “Celebrity” Games Journalists for their comments.

We bet Krotoski will ignore us, though.

Future issue 130 page press release for £6

…and it’s called Xbox360 The Official Xbox Magazine.

It’s only natural that in the wake of a new console, a skipload of new magazines are going to pop up to cover its launch. It’s also natural that the world-domineering Future Publishing has secured the official Xbox360 licence.

Being on the shelves in mid-September, nearly three months before the console is out, thousands of eager readers must have snapped up the first issue to read some decent journalistic coverage of the Xbox360 and its games. After all, surely the staff of the official magazine has access to Bill’s new console?

Future’s favourite trick of hiding a dodgy issue inside a sealed box has been wheeled out, and opening it up after shelling out six quid will tell you why. A thin and miserable varnished Microsoft advertorial with a DVD full of tech movies running off a PC is rattling around inside.

A regurgitation of the spec sheets makes up some of the mag, masquerading as journalism. We lost count of how many times the proclamation “The graphics rock!” was bolted onto the end of a nonsense-sentence about the tech specs. And would it really have been too much to ask for someone to check the totally wrong page numbers in the A-Z game index?

Even the mighty Cutlack (UK:Resistance, we salute you) fails to save the coverage of the games, which is a dismal selection of rewritten press information and glossy screenshots that we’d bet our tattered careers on baring no resemblance to the final products.

Yes, citizens, again you’re being sold a lie. Despite the promise of “exclusive playtests” in the mag, and the promise “we play the best console launch lineup ever seen” on the cover, at the time of writing the magazine the staff hadn’t gone near a finished console, but were still ordered by their paymasters to get a rewritten press release out onto the shelves.

For six fucking quid.

PC Zone transformation into PC Gamer complete

As the RAM Raider predicted, PC Zone has become PC Gamer. Months of sneering at PC Gamer’s irrelevant Extra Life section has given way to the birth of PC Zone’s Freeplay, which is an exact copy. You might almost think they’re being written by the same people.

The RAM Raider knows this isn’t true, but it might be happening sooner than you think. Recent ABC figures have shown massive drops in circulations that Future suits have desperately tried to justify with the excuse that summer has unexpectedly happened. Losing nearly ten thousand readers each, Future knows that the only way forward is to merge them.

We’re going to get a book running on who’s going to lose their jobs, and even worse, who’s going to be pushed off to the editorial Siberia that is the pathetic CVG.com website. Place your bets.