Our personal favourite award threw up some gems, but fuck knows, there’s plenty out there to choose from. The winner has dropped straight from the encrusted slit of a game that’s proven to be an efficient shit magnet in its effectiveness at drawing together the assorted things cunts say – none other than the RR Most Overrated Pile Of Shite 2008 winner, Little Shit Planet. Here’s IGN Australia’s take on it:
‘On the surface, LittleBigPlanet is all about jumping and stickers and rainbows and ponies and having a good time with friends. But if you delve deeper and look past the infectiously approachable presentation, there’s something far more curious at play. LittleBigPlanet is actually all about the fundamentals of cause and effect relationships, man in his environment and how we relate to the world around us.’
“No, it isn’t. It’s a game about sackboys.”
Dan de la peche, via Facebook
The notable nominations list sees another nod to IGN, this time featuring shit-speak about GTA4:
“IGN’s GTAIV review includes such eyebrow-raising lines as:”
‘Helicopters are also very tough to control in this fashion – it’s as if Rockstar thought they were making a game about dragons.’
“What?”
‘Go to location, kill people to get to target, chase target, kill target -- it never feels repetitive.’
“Not at all! Even if it is simply the same formula repeated from its predecessors.”
Melaisis, via website
And finally, it’s only right and proper that our favourite award should include a mention of our favourite magazine:
‘Gaming magazine and website, Edge, announced at this year’s Edinburgh Interactive Festival that it has awarded its fourth Award for Innovation to Bungie’s popular Halo 3.
‘Halo 3, just as Halo 2 did before it, presents a roadmap for the way online will be integrated into videogames in the coming year,’ said Alex Wiltshire, Deputy Editor of Edge.’
“What a pile of fucking horseshit.”
Anonymous Knight, via email
‘On the surface, LittleBigPlanet is all about jumping and stickers and rainbows and ponies and having a good time with friends. But if you delve deeper and look past the infectiously approachable presentation, there’s something far more curious at play. LittleBigPlanet is actually all about the fundamentals of cause and effect relationships, man in his environment and how we relate to the world around us.’
“No, it isn’t. It’s a game about sackboys.”
Dan de la peche, via Facebook
The notable nominations list sees another nod to IGN, this time featuring shit-speak about GTA4:
“IGN’s GTAIV review includes such eyebrow-raising lines as:”
‘Helicopters are also very tough to control in this fashion – it’s as if Rockstar thought they were making a game about dragons.’
“What?”
‘Go to location, kill people to get to target, chase target, kill target -- it never feels repetitive.’
“Not at all! Even if it is simply the same formula repeated from its predecessors.”
Melaisis, via website
And finally, it’s only right and proper that our favourite award should include a mention of our favourite magazine:
‘Gaming magazine and website, Edge, announced at this year’s Edinburgh Interactive Festival that it has awarded its fourth Award for Innovation to Bungie’s popular Halo 3.
‘Halo 3, just as Halo 2 did before it, presents a roadmap for the way online will be integrated into videogames in the coming year,’ said Alex Wiltshire, Deputy Editor of Edge.’
“What a pile of fucking horseshit.”
Anonymous Knight, via email
Yeah. Except that bit about Halo 3 has proven entirely true. Are you seriously saying that other recent and upcoming console games haven't looked to Halo 3 when it came to integrating matchmaking, lobby systems, community features and so on? Because they have.
ReplyDeleteDunno how that compares to the nut-bag helicopter/dragon thing from IGN.
"infectiously approachable"? I wouldn't let that go into a staff newsletter for the village library, let alone a professional review. I hope that oaf spends every penny he makes on terminally ill orphans.
ReplyDeleteI imagine your village newsletters are much, much, and vastly better than anything ever written about the bizarrely picked on LBP. Well done, keep up village newslettering and never stop being sinister.
ReplyDeleteI love you, anonymous. Somehow you are everyone and no-one all at once. Be my beautiful internet bride, and we will rule forever.
ReplyDeleteIn a completely unrelated topic, isn't it great how most of the reviews I've read about Far Cry 2 claim it to be 'too big' and how fast-travel opportunities are few and far in-between, yet every one of the sites/mags were jizzing over how big the game-world was going to be when it was first announced.
ReplyDeleteNo wonder Ubisoft get pissed. There's no consistency between previews and the reviews anymore. Hell, it would brighten my day to open a mag or watch a game show which isn't unrealistically optimistic about a title, despite them already knowing they'll slam it three months later.
Previews: written before playing the full game when concepts such as an epic scale and whatnot could really work out splendid. Reviews: Written after such things as epic scale are found to just be dull. You'll also get a different guy previewing than reviewing. You could argue either way as to whether a reviewer and a previewer should be the same person. So, yes - it is great that a positive preview doesn't guarantee a positive review.
ReplyDeleteYeah "Melaisis", you snivelling little shitbag. *looks at Blogger profile* A British-born writer? British-born cunt, more like. And Constantine is a shit film.
ReplyDelete