This Saturday sees yet another instalment of the fucking awful “Test the Nation” programme fronted by Anne “I can’t lower my eyebrows” Robinson and Phillip “How the fuck has nobody discovered I’m gay yet?” Schofield. Just in case there’s a question on monopolising cunts, here’s a question on Future Publishing to practice on:
You’re spending potfuls of cash on buying out magazines, increasing the wages of the suits who hang around upstairs in Bath, and losing your magazine readership. What do you do?
a) Stop fucking around and plough some of that cash back into the magazines so the journos can put together excellent coverage for the readers;
b) Keep things steady, and hope the magazine teams can turn around their fortunes through their continuing hard work;
c) Acknowledge the fact that 75% of your revenue comes from the readers, so fuck them over by raising the cover price of several mags; and while you’re at it fuck the poor overworked journos by significantly reducing their budgets, forcing them to cut back on spending to cover game previews (why bother when they can just use gamespot.com instead?) and become even more overworked by having to write more for the same shit pay (leading to Headhunter: Redemption situations all over again); while sending your head cunt Greg Ingham to appear in MVC and say how great the management are.
The answer will be in the next update. As if you need it…