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    Monday, October 06, 2008

    Ridiculous Statements Masquerading As Games Journalism: Far Cry 2

    “You have two options. You can leave her to die in pain. Or you can euthanize her. You put a gun to her mouth. She’s in so much pain she practically swallows it whole. She wants you to kill her. So you do.”

    PC Gamer’s Tim Edwards describes the fate of the sub-ed who was the first to read his review of Far Cry 2. In very short. Sentences.


    1. Reminds. Me. Of. Danny. Fucking. Wallace. That.

    2. Anonymous11:31 am

      Is this is the woman who, at the beginning of the review, Tim says "you definitely would"? If so, I'd like to offer a slight rewrite.

      "I put my weapon to her lips. She was so hungry for relief, she teased my nozzle into her, working the barrel into her face. She groaned, searching for the trigger with her tongue. I spunked onto my tummy then shot her in the brains."

    3. I like Tim.

      Don't think he likes me, though.

    4. Anonymous4:16 pm

      Tim's lovely, I won't hear a word against him. Danny Wallace, however, is a cunt.

    5. Your Mum's Fat Arse6:45 pm

      I'm also in the 'lay off Tim' stable.

      How about this for a feature idea, Rammy; 'Worthless, Dismal Shite Masquerading As Cutting Edge Anonymous Journalism'.

      It'll run for one post, and it'll be comprised of a picture of your fat fucking face.

    6. Anonymous12:24 pm

      So you execute the crippled bitch and you have a wank and a cry. Then you check your map and set off on a three-mile hike in search of something else to do.

      A couple of hours later you light some bushes on fire and shoot at a random bloke. Your gun jams after five shots. You repair your gun and reload. The guy you were shooting at is still standing in the exact same spot as before.


    7. Anonymous1:38 am

      ^^^^ Funny and informative! Excellent review son.