Microsoft – Even Bigger Cunts Than You Realised

As the days go by, we’re finding it harder and harder to give a fuck about the news stories popping up. Apathy is a terrible thing, and we’re full of it. We couldn’t give a fuck about sales figures for GTA IV, what analysts think is going to happen (especially when they almost always get it totally wrong), or about some fucking press junket. However, this particular story enraged us.

Some guy who’s both a real life gay and a real life gamer had “TheGayerGamer” as his gamer tag on Xbox Live. Microsoft took exception to this, and changed it.

Obviously, and rightly, this homophobic zealotry upset quite a lot of people.

As these people voiced their concerns, you might think Microsoft would put its hands up and say, “Hey, we outsource this shit to minimum wage lowbrows – we’ll put it back to how it was. Sorry!”

Well, maybe not that last part, as Microsoft would sooner bite off its own nipples than apologise for anything.

But no – instead, one of their mouthpieces started wielding the Xbox Live terms and conditions on his blog, in particular claiming that the name constituted sexual innuendo. Seriously.

It’s bad enough that this kind of pig ignorant bollocks goes on in the first place, but to actually stand up and defend it is something else. We’re surprised that Microsoft’s legal team of vultures hasn’t already pointed out to the company that discriminating against people on the basis of their sexuality was outlawed quite a long time ago.

At the least, Microsoft is being hatefully homophobic and interfering with some guy’s right to represent himself through his gamer tag as being both gay and a gamer. At the most, it’s breaking the law by doing so. We’d like to hope someone sues them, but if they’re too fucking arrogant to ignore sanctions slapped on them by the European Union, then they’re sure as hell not going to bother with the gay community, or anyone else for that matter.

Gays may not like cunts, but Microsoft has just shown itself to be a company full of cunts that don't like gays.

We Are Three (Years And One Month Old)

So strong is the apathy surrounding this blog that even we forgot its birthday last month until it was too late. (EDIT: And even this month we forgot to publish this when we were supposed to.) It’s kind of a shame not to mark the occasion, though.

There’s not much point in going over the story yet again of how The RAM Raider was born, why it was born, and why nobody gives a fuck, because we’ve already done that for our first and second birthdays which are in the archive. Looking back over the years though, it strikes us just how similar the games industry is now compared to when we first started writing for the arse-end of the internet.

What surprises us the most is just how naive the majority of gamers still seem to be. When Jeff Gerstmann was sacked from GameSpot last year, there was genuine shock and surprise amongst their readership. Gamers were mortified that that kind of stuff was going on behind closed doors. At the same time, we, along with every other games journalist, were surprised only that GameSpot had let this dirty little secret be displayed so publicly.

Being the egomaniacal Google-masturbators that we are, we often skulk around search engines to see who’s talking about us. More recently, readers have been discussing the “official” review of GTA4 by Officially Corrupt Xbox 360 Magazine. They’re surprised. They’re surprised that the review was based on unfinished code. They’re surprised that this was admitted in the review. They’re surprised because they apparently think that every game reviewed is done so honestly, with no influence from PR shite-bags or advertisers, based on gold code.

We’re not surprised – we’re fucking shocked. We can’t believe that, even in the open age of the internet, so many gamers are still completely unaware of how this business works.

So – mission failed, then? Probably.

Still, we read with interest an editorial in PC Gamer last week where editor Ross Atherton (who must thank the lord-god-Future daily for not making him the editor of nearly-dead PC Zone) denounced PR influence on future features in his mag. The piece itself was still slightly politicised in its wording (only noticed recently – is that a joke?), but the intention is noble.

You could argue that he goes and throws away the credibility gained by presenting an advert for a book written by one of his writers as “news”, especially as Edge (of all mags) at least had the decency to criticise it in their one-page advertorial (here’s the translation: “meandering”, “indistinct in purpose” and “circuitous” = indulgent). But still, it’s progress, especially if they stick to it.

Assuming this sudden in-public recognition of the overbearing PR machine on this once hobbyist pastime is an epiphany, no matter how small, can we take any of the credit? Of course not. Yes, they all know about us, and yes, they all read us. Hell, we even get more readers in a month than the majority of Future’s games mags. The problem is that no matter how long we bang on like stroppy autistic zealots, there are always going to be many more readers who have never heard of us, and never will, so will carry on without actually knowing “how things work”.

Still, as much as joyful little events like the Driv3r scandal and the Gerstmann fiasco garner the real attention, we’re going to carry on banging on like grumpy fucks for as long as people keep coming back to the blog for more. And if we’ve had even the slightest, most infinitesimally minor effect on the way the gaming press works, then that’s three years well spent.

Anyway, we’ve had enough gloom and moaning for the time being. Stay tuned for yet another one of our “lists” that people like so much over the summer as the world of gaming grinds to a halt, and here’s to another year of angriness, infuriation, the same old jokes, being called cunts, and good old-fashioned piss-taking.

The RAM Raider salutes you, dear reader.

Ridiculous Statements Masquerading As Games Journalism: An Occasional Series

“How perfect is it to have Satan -- the Father of Lies and ultimate evil of one of the world's great mythologies -- reduced to little more than a bored corporate functionary worrying about Evil(TM) losing its market share? Throughout Season Two we've watched as classic cultural tropes with rich histories such as Santa Claus, the Fountain of Youth, the Easter Island statues, vampires, zombies, UFOs, mariachi music and even the humble birthday cake get stolen from their proper settings, robbed of their true power and regurgitated back at us in a soulless family-friendly version for the purpose of selling us useless junk. In such a world the deranged nihilism of Sam and Max actually becomes the only sane response.”

Allen 'Delsyn' Rausch from GameSpy.com enlightens the delighted reader with his discourse on the social commentary of Sam & Max: What’s New, Beelzebub?

Ironic Comment Of The Day

An interview linked to by videogaming247.com caught our eye today. Dan Houser, Rockstar’s co-founder and “creative VP”, had this to say:

“The intellectual property is the main asset in the company. That’s why “GTA” is still relevant 10 years later. We haven’t put one out every year. We haven’t fleeced it. And we haven’t put it on 50 different formats.”

We’d like to personally congratulate Rockstar for not being tempted to fleece GTA by putting one out every year on 50 different formats, as it must have taken a gargantuan level of restraint to settle for only releasing GTA, GTA: London, GTA 2, GTA 3, GTA: Vice City, GTA: Vice City Stories, GTA: San Andreas, GTA: San Andreas Stories, and GTA IV, on the PC, Game Boy Advance, PlayStation, Dreamcast, PS2, PSP, Xbox, Xbox 360, and PS3 in less than a decade.

We’d also like to say “well done!” in a hearty fashion for their treatment of several review outlets, as only the very finest companies pick and choose who they let in for their love-ins based on whether they’ve given them good review scores in the past. Good going, guys, and you just keep on bribing those reviewers with freebies, because it’s not like the readers will ever find out.

N’Gai Croal: An Academic Responds

We’ve never been accused of being the home of reasoned debate, but we received this response to N’Gai Croal’s Racist Evil 5 rant from an Anonymous Knight. It makes us sad to see that the internet’s so full of ignorance that anyone trying to argue that there’s not only another side to the argument, but that the other side doesn’t have to be racist, is instantly vilified. So we’ve put the whole piece here for you to make up your own mind:


“I never thought I’d live to see the day when the faux-intelligentsia of games journalism declared all out war on the common gamer. By the faux-intelligentsia, I am of course referring to all of those who have sat through a sixth-form philosophy class, or once read a whole book on politics, and like to drop what they remember into any discussion about gaming like bricks into a playpen. The kind of second-rate hack that’s so insecure about the legitimacy of gaming, they have to start flinging in giveaway words like “lifestyle”, “culture”, and “motif” to persuade fellow members of the faux-intelligentsia that the videogame they’re talking about is actually an allegory of a subject that’s of world importance. Dare to question the mutual respect of the faux-intelligentsia, and risk getting shouted down as an unenlightened halfwit.

So, N’Gai Croal, then. A games journalist of no great relevance nets himself an enormous amount of attention by accusing a large development team of being racist. The trailer in question is for the trashiest of big-name franchises, Resident Evil. The teaser in question is overblown and cheesy, even slightly embarrassing as it depicts the tight-topped Chris Redfield pacing into town and becoming embroiled in a host of clumsy firefights with zombies straight out of any Romero movie, replete with a dopey voice-over.

Everybody who has half a brain is aware of the world’s shameful history when it comes to matters of slavery, disregard of basic human rights and terrible treatment of black persons, amongst others. In a world where this kind of treatment was both commonplace and not considered at the time to be utterly wrong lends support to the argument that we should be reminded frequently about just how bad this situation used to be in order to avoid it happening again.

Modern day society has little time for outmoded and flawed theories of the black man being inferior to the white; the positivistic studies which pushed entire nations towards thinking that, in criminological terms, races can be cleansed by the genetically superior super-beings to eradicate the pollution of their own race and discard the criminal element in a Darwinistic fight for the survival of the fittest. Yet Charles Murray, the US right-wing social theorist, still argues that the “underclasses”, particularly black persons, are of lower than average intelligence. Until the 1970s, the state of Virginia was actively sterilising those found to be “feebleminded”. Whilst it’s easy to point the finger at Hitler’s Germany taking ethnic cleansing to tragic levels, it is uncomfortable to recall that Churchill’s pre-war view and social policies took on a lower level support for such theories.

A thankfully low minority (although any number is still too many) will fail to acknowledge that the historical episodes Croal refers to, amongst many others, were far from the finest hours of the nations involved, whether the United States, the British Empire, or otherwise.

I wonder, then, how many of this majority – the decent gamer who despises racism – were amongst those who disagreed with Croal’s comments, only to be shouted down in an abusive manner by other commentators. Many of the issues that have been raised by these gamers have been absolutely valid, yet have not been greeted with the courtesy of a reasoned response.

Croal has made a serious allegation. Whilst it is likely that the development team at Capcom responsible for producing and designing Resident Evil 5 predominantly (if not entirely) consists of Japanese males, one still has to feel sorry for them as the sudden accusation of racism is thrust at them. As far as can be seen from the brief trailer (and that is all that these comments are based upon), Capcom have done no more or no less than any number of developers. Whether pitching the gamer against a glut of Germans, mowing them down indiscriminately without stopping to question their views on the party some have been made to fight for, or even asking the gamer to become the Nazis fighting against the Allied forces – the practice is commonplace.

Some argue that intention is not a relevant factor, but this is quite simply not true. There wasn’t an eyelid batted when GTA: San Andreas arrived, despite the potential for its black central protagonist to be mistaken for the stereotypical rap-loving, gang-raping, drug-dealing “gangsta” worrying the good multicultural folk going about their daily business. That’s because that character was merely that: a character, placed in a scenario for the purpose of narrative in an open-ended games world, where you could indiscriminately murder any nationality you wish.

To take a game where the zombies are black and the protagonist is white for reasons of narrative and accuse it of being a racist premise is to do a great many injustices. It cheapens the issue of racism, which is dangerous. It alienates the audience you’re supposed to be writing for, to be supporting, by telling them that their right to enjoy a simple videogame is contested. Any commentator who has pig-ignorantly attacked these people for stating their views on the matter, to question their moral fortitude for simply arguing that they don’t see the game as racist, is beyond contempt.

And worst of all from Croal’s perspective, he’s shown himself up as a charlatan. By throwing around serious allegations in the same casual manner that MP Keith Vaz wrongly associates videogames with the murder of one of his constituents, and that Jack Thompson wrongly associates videogames with just about everything that’s broken in the world, he’s destroyed his own credibility. The real tragedy is that he’s taken down with him the thin veneer of maturity the games industry has been trying to build up for itself for so long.

For the sake of some cheap column inches, N’Gai Croal has hurt much of what he purports to love. I hope his new-found notoriety was worth it.”

Officially Corrupt “World Exclusive” GTA IV “Review” From The Officially Corrupt Xbox 360 Magazine

If you’re sick of that embargo-busting dogshit review we posted last week of Grand Theft Auto 4, you’ll be jumping up and down with apathy at the news that a good citizen has scanned in the Officially Corrupt “World Exclusive” GTA IV “review” from the Officially Corrupt Xbox 360 Magazine. Y’know, the one they’ve been banging on about in full-page ads for the last three months.

The game predictably receives 10/10 which, by the Officially Corrupt Xbox 360 Magazine’s standards, makes it just as good as Perfect Dark Zero. For us, the stand-out quote from the review is this:

“Rockstar was still making the final tweaks as I played, so I can’t say whether my minor grumbles – the cover system stumbling in box-filled environments, slightly over-enthusiastic target lock-on, the occasional pop-up – will be present in the box you buy in two weeks’ time.”

Now hang on – surely you’re not saying you reviewed unfinished code? Surely you’re not admitting that this 9-page Rockstar love-in is actually a preview, what with it not being based on finished code?

We’re curious whether Jon Hicks (who’s a decent fellow, so we’re not giving him any shit) would have still awarded a score of 10/10 if the finished game was riddled with pop-up and had an unreliable cover and combat mechanism.

Whilst we’re asking him, you can read the (p)review here so you don’t have to do anything silly like buying a magazine that’s not satisfied with being merely corrupt, but is no less than Officially Corrupt. Go, Team Future!

[EDIT] Jon Hicks very politely declined to comment specifically when we asked him if he would have given the game a 10 if the unfinished code was sold in that state, and he also passed up the opportunity to settle the big question on everybody's lips: is GTA 4 better than Perfect Dark Zero? He did point out that he stands by his review, though. Thanks, Jon Hicks!

N’Gai Croal: “Ban This Racist Filth”

After weighing in with his views on the despicable racist filth depicted in the Resident Evil 5 trailer, “respected” (in the same sense that Edge is “respected”) games journo N’Gai Croal gives The RAM Raider an exclusive video interview in which he names and shames even more unacceptable bigotry blighting society:

First Grand Theft Auto IV Review – Reproduced Here

EDIT: If you’re looking for Official Xbox 360 Mag’s review, it’s here

Some guy with the unlikely name of Cam Garish who writes for CGReviews.com put up an embargo-busting review of Grand Theft Auto IV, before quickly pulling the plug after getting scared of being sued. The powers that be are trying to make out that it’s based on preview code, but it’s actually the same code that every major review outlet is going to use. As you’ll know, we hate embargos and artificial delays of reviews so publishers can cut cash/advertising deals with mags and websites, so we’ll be hosting the review here until it’s restored on its original site.

It’s not the best written review you’ll ever read, but the guy’s honest enough to admit that GTA IV still has flaws in its mechanics despite the hype. Anyway, it’s your right to have access to the review, so here you go:


INTRODUCTION
There are two questions I know everyone wants answered right off the bat. So, to please my fans, I'm happy to oblige.
• Does GTA4 live up to the hype? Yes.
• Are the PS3 and 360 really the same? No.
Need more? Read on…

Grand Theft Auto IV is a digital masterpiece. Period. You will like the Xbox 360 version of this game. You will like the PS3 version of this game. Technically, they are the same! However, there are some minor variations. To make these variations easier to read through, I will write 360 specific comments in RED (since the 360 is famous for the color red, haha) and PS3 comments in Blu (see what I did there?). [We didn’t bother keeping the colours, as it doesn’t add anything to the review] So let's get started!

FIRST THINGS FIRST
When popping the disc into the PS3 for the first time, you'll have a brief installation. Don't worry, it only takes ten minutes or so, and there's a pleasant bit of GTA history trivia to keep you occupied. So, unlike with Devil May Cry, you'll be able to eat your sandwich prior to playing the game. On the 360, this installation is optional if you have a hard drive. I advise to proceed with installation—it reduces the already minimal frame rate issues on the 360. When the game finally begins, you'll be treated to the best opening credit sequence I've seen for a game in a long, long time.

STORY
I'm not going to ruin anything. Let's just say that the story in GTA4 is much more cohesive and cinematic than in other GTA games.
You'll be entranced.

GAME PLAY

You're going to like GTA4. But you'll only love part of it. The game play is essentially the same as it was in previous GTA games, which is what you'll love. There are a few extras/improvements that you'll also love. Vehicles are fantastic. The cover system is effective and easy to get used to, as most games now have some sort of cover system. The squeaky car animation used when hookers do their thing is now accompanied by foggy windows—sweet. You can store your favorite vehicles in garages or parking spaces, which is a nice touch. Pay ‘n Spray will replace your broken windows and change your car color…but that does nothing when the police are already in pursuit.

It's the things that are missing that will turn the volume down on your experience. If you've never played GTA, then you won't miss much. The absence of the Dodo stinks. Going on rampages is now almost impossible. The ability to commit crimes is much more difficult. Wanna shoot rockets down the street, blow up a parking lot, etc? Well, you won't get far. The 5-0 in GTA4 are smart, and they work really hard to bring you down.

It's also a bit disappointing that law enforcement actually spawns. The game would feel much more realistic if cops had to call for back up, and patrol cars would actually drive to your location from a few blocks away before joining the fun. But that's not how it works. A handful of cops will appear out of nowhere (on the 360, they actually pop-in if you didn't do the install). NOOSE will appear out of no where. And choppers? Well, there's no faint pitter-patter of blades in the wind to alert you of their approach. I think they jump to position through worm holes or something.
But aside from these annoyances, GTA4 is fantastic. It feels so real.

Euphoria didn't do as much as I hoped. Let's face it, when you hit a pedestrian at 50 mph, they do one thing: fall. It may look different in slow motion, but when you're really doing it—when you're in the middle of the action—animations always feel the same. There are moments, though, where Euphoria will kick in and you'll say, “Awesome”. When you try to duplicate it, you won't be able to. This is where Euphoria shines. There will be one time moments of sheer bliss—and it's worth every second.

Riding in a Taxi is awesome. You'll spend your first twenty or so trips admiring the city from the cab. Remember the car ride in Call of Duty 4? This is equally as engaging, if not more so. Seeing the world like this, hustling and bustling, living their digital lives…it makes a bullet to their head an extra level of satisfaction.

CONTROLS
I preferred the PS3 controls because I've always played GTA on PS hardware. The controls aren't identical to previous games, but the learning curve is really small. Most people will probably prefer the 360 controller, but that's to be expected.

There were a couple minor things about the controls that bugged me. I'll mention the single big thing: running. Tapping a button to run works well in theory, but I just know that the wear and tear on my controller has to be increasing exponentially. Still, it's better than having fatigue in game, as how much you run literally depends on your fatigue in the real world. If you're tired of tapping, you walk or take a cab. If the cops are on your tail, you muster up the energy to tap some more. All in all, it works as a concept…but it's bitter-sweet.

GRAPHICS
Been waiting for this? Well, what can I say? It's beautiful. But I know you're really concerned about which system it looks better on, and I have the scoop! The truth is that, if installed, the game looks equally impressive on both systems.

The PS3 has a more relaxed color pallet, but this gives everything a more realistic look. If you don't like the realistic look, and you have a HDMI connection, you can fiddle with your PS3 display settings and get it looking much more saturated. The textures are just as sharp as the 360 version, and there's little to no pop-in or screen tearing. The PS3 takes longer to load than the 360, but I took several different head counts in game at different locations, and I always found the PS3 to be more populated than the 360. This could be attributed to the dynamic nature of the world, but it's hard to tell. Either way, the difference was never more than five to seven pedestrians or three to four cars—it's not really much of an advantage.

The 360 is bright. Boy is it bright. Based on discussion history, this one will be claimed to look better, but it'll really be preference. The texture quality is the same on both systems, but the 360 has a more cartoon-like look. This isn't a bad thing. It just depends on preference. I'd compare the difference to that of Oblivion on each system. The 360 also suffers from some frame rate drops that are almost non-existent on the PS3. Installing the 360 version on your system's hard drive, however, will bring performance almost up to par with the PS3.

Let me add that these differences are only noticeable when the games are shown side by side. I'd liken it to shopping for a TV. There's always one that looks better than another, the 60” make the 50” seem too small, etc. The truth is, once by itself in your living room, it'll look fantastic, and you won't be disappointed.

MULTIPLAYER
I didn't get to use this. I know, you want details, but all I can confirm is split-screen on PS3 only. I was alone, so I didn't actually get to have any matches, but I could tell that the split-screen worked really well. There was a significant decrease in the amount of traffic and pedestrians, but it didn't ruin anything. This is understandable. Rendering two instances of Liberty City is a chore for any machine. I can't conclude one way or the other why the split-screen mode was not available on 360, but I assume by the drop in on-screen objects on the PS3 that the 360 just couldn't handle it. If you own a 360, don't worry. You have Xbox Live…so you're set.

CONCLUSION
Grand Theft Auto 4 is worth the hype. It's worth $60, and you'll easily spend over 75 hours with this game. That's a pretty decent bargain. It's difficult to rate the game without bias! Any complaints I have are almost completely based on my experience with other GTA games…so it's tough!

9.3/10


(Thanks, by the way, to all of you who reminded us that we turned three over the weekend. We’ll post about that later in the week.)

A Good Question

Amongst the many and varied emails we received during our brief hiatus was this tale from an Anonymous Knight. He’s a freelancer who apparently has some experience in the business, and poses a question to editors that we think they’ll find quite tricky to answer. Take it away, Anonymous Knight:


“I sent out personally addressed emails to carefully selected editors of a variety of periodicals, big and small. If I didn’t get a reply, I followed up with a conventional letter. In each case, I always offered a couple of ideas for articles.

The only responses I got were from people I knew already. The majority did not bother even to reply.

It seems that most journalists in high positions are not interested in authors they do not already know, or ideas which challenge them to think. Either that or they’re not interested in communicating with would-be contributors outside their social circle.

When I used to write mailed letters offering articles I got an answer to every single one and many of them resulted in mutually rewarding work. Perhaps email enables us to not communicate more effectively than ever before.

The Guardian’s George Monbiot, for instance, invites feedback from his website, but replies to emails with an automatically generated message saying that he is too busy to answer them.

I’m busy too and I have been in the commissioning seat. And it would never occur to me not to acknowledge an email, let alone a letter, which is written to me personally. At least, “thanks, but no thanks,” which takes ten seconds to type and send; it’s just courtesy.

My intention here is not to moan but to solicit information. I’d love to hear from any fellow journalists, especially editors, how they like to receive information and what their policy is on responding to ideas they receive.”


Editors – you can send your answers to the usual address. After all, you’re not all a bunch of jobs-for-the-boys nepotistic tits who ignore stuff that’s from people you don’t know, or aren’t from eager readers doing your job for you for free at the right time. Are you…?

New Ways To Hate Us

Hello readers. We’ve really missed you over the last few weeks, but we’re back now to what should be our usual schedule of utterly irregular and sub-sporadic smatterings of lacklustre posts which whinge, gripe, moan, and generally piss everyone off because something’s annoyed us.

Although we know of at least one person in particular who’ll vehemently tell anyone who cares (and quite a few who don’t) that we make this stuff up, we’d like to thank all of you who have emailed and sent us messages through Facebook whilst we’ve been absent. If we’ve not replied to anything you’ve sent, we promise it’s not our fault – Google Mail’s spam filter is relentless.

You might also have noticed a few new buttons around the place. If you’re commenting on a blog post, you’ve got the option of ticking a box which will email you when someone else comments. It’s a great way of keeping an eye on a discussion / argument / slanging match you’re participating in without obsessively hitting refresh every two seconds, and it’s all handled by Google so we don’t get any of those addresses (not that we’re the spamming sorts).

There are also some new buttons on the right bar to help you subscribe to the blog. You can choose to be notified of updates to the blog or new comments posted through RSS – a number of programs are supported, or you can just use vanilla RSS if you know what you’re doing. The “Subscribe” link above it gives you the option to receive email updates whenever the blog is updated. Again, your dirty secret is safe from us as it’s all dealt with by Feedburner.

As far as Facebook is concerned, you’re always welcome to send us a friend request which, unlike most “industry types”, we promise we’ll always accept. The RAM Raider also has its own page with a forum and all that bollocks on Facebook, so you can declare yourself a fan if you’re feeling generous, or just settle for calling us cunts in the anonymous honesty box.

If you can’t be arsed with any of that, you can still get in touch through our email address. We never reveal the names or details of those who contact us without express permission, so send us your rantings, criticisms, praise, stories of abject incompetence, or adverts for cock cream any time you like.

Finally, sorry for not being there to rub Future’s nose in their utterly fucking awful ABCs or their absolutely fucking abysmal share nosedive, and a big juicy thanks to GamesPress.com for running our RR Awards press release a few months ago.

The RAM Raider salutes you all.